Going Deep with Abel Bush

WARNING: MATURE CONTENT AHEAD

by Abel Bush

Cum-unication.

All views expressed in this article are solely opinions based on personal experience. I am not a doctor nor an expert. I am however an experienced dater, hopeful romantic, and sex-positive activist. 

Throughout 2020 everyone has been trying to find ways to be social while also being safe. In spring I went on a Bumble date because yes, I was lonely. Luckily he looked like the person in his profile and we could jam to the same music, so we started having sex. Fast forward a few months and we have come to an agreement of sorts. Even though we don’t want to “date” we still want to “fuck” so with communication and trust we have become “coronavirus partners.” I wonder if anyone else has someone like this? It made sense to us because, in a time where it’s discouraged to hug each other, we were able to find a connection that is safe and satisfying. The only way this was possible was because we talked about what we wanted and needed from each other candidly. I needed someone to hug me a few times a week, and he needed to get some experience in the sheets. So with this being my first article, I thought it would be a good start to talk about communication. Oh yes, the cliche “communication is key”... however in my experience it is the most important quality in a healthy relationship. So let’s talk. 

My mom used to tell me, “If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.” I use that in my relationships all the time and encourage the person on the other end to do the same. For example, I enjoy getting eaten out. However some people do not like doing that, so I always ask, “Hey is this something you are willing to do.” That might be blunt, but it’s important. If something is meaningful to you in the bedroom you must speak it. What if you hate giving head and your partner only orgasms that way? 

Communication also goes hand and hand with consent. It’s better to say what you want before than during. Another example is I once had a guy cum inside me without even asking. When I revealed I wasn’t on birth control it was a way more serious conversation than if he would have asked me first. Side note: Always ask permission to dump a load. My friends say I am so open about this, which surprises me. Don’t you want to be open about this? Sex is the most personal way we communicate, so I want whoever is penetrating me to know what I want.

However, communication obviously isn’t only needed in the bedroom. It’s needed in all the rooms. What about when your partner spends more money than you can keep up with? What if their parents - especially their mom - doesn’t like you? What if they make you feel excluded in social circles? Yes these are oddly specific due to a past partner, and you know who you are... 

So how do you have a healthy conversation with your partner? Make it fun! Make some food together while you do it, have a drink or a whole bottle, or go outside and let nature calm your nerves. You could have a group conversation with friends to get a fresh perspective and help make everyone feel less alone in the plight of relationship conflicts. They might have been in the same place as you and there is nothing better than having someone say and feel that they have been there with you. People who pretend their relationship is perfect are often the ones struggling the most, so be sure to check in on that friend who is all over their partner and only talks about how great they are. 

My personal favorite is trying a compliment sandwich, “Hey babe I love your fat cock (complement) however I’m not stoked on having it in my ass (something you want to change). Your penis feels so great in my mouth (end complement). Again this might be a vulgar way to go about it, but it gets the point across. It’s also important to refrain from using “you” statements. For example, I don’t like it when YOU do this, or YOU make me so mad. Putting the “you” in anything puts them at the heart of the problem, and most of the time it’s not them, it’s actually you. Taking “you” out of conversations makes the chat an objective one, and we are then able to look at it with clarity and not personally. 

What if you don’t agree and the communication isn’t well-received? Give it some time. Most people need space to think. That’s another “just trust me,” piece of advice. When you pry and want the resolution to happen right then and there, you will not be allowing your partner to process what has been communicated. Remember we all have opinions and if we don’t agree it doesn’t mean we don’t love each other, we might need to find other solutions. If your partner loves putting it in your butt then maybe you could compromise, and if there is something you like (getting eaten out) then they can do that for you too. Side note: Keep your boundaries no matter how much someone wants your bum. And unfortunately sometimes even the best communicators get burned. There is the saying, “bad stuff happens to good people,” so be prepared for that at some point in your life. No matter how well-spoken and honest you are with someone, it might not ever work, so communicate with yourself in those moments. You are enough, worthy of love, and someone will be able to talk to you clearly. The longest relationship you will ever have is with yourself, so starting with communication with yourself is a great way to have better communication with others. An example, “I really want to masturbate on the couch and think about Shia LaBeouf.” Fucking do it. 

No matter how isolated we have become this year, we will never be able to get away from the human urge to connect. Whether that’s a zoom call, a socially distanced party, or waving to someone cute at the grocery store, we must interact with each other. So do it in a healthy, full-communication way, and it will make the whole pandemic relationship dilemma a little easier. 

Cheers to you finding someone or something to make you cum during these shitty times. 

Ask Abel a question about love, sex, relationships or anything else you’re curious about! Anonymous letters are welcome. Send them to: thecometmagazine@gmail.com with Ask Abel in the subject.