May Quarantinescopes
Is quarantine wearing on you? Me too, bro, me too.
Aries - I’m impressed by your lack of impulse control in the time of covid. Aries are leading the packs of protesters, fighting for your god given rights! You’re pissed, and for you, anger leads to action. Which is cool... except when there’s a pandemic.
Taurus - This month you’ll bake your own birthday cake Taurus...and likely eat the entire thing yourself. It’s ok. You can celebrate how your pants don’t fit anymore, happy birthday to you, indeed.
Gemini - “I’m fine, everything’s fine, no problems here, this is great, I’m totally fine.”
Cancer - Just when you thought things couldn’t get worse, now there’s talk of murder hornets?! You’re correct to cry uncontrollably for this entire month. It’s all you really can do.
Leo - “What’s the point of living if nobody can bask in all my beauty?” Good question. A little dramatic but worth looking into...
Virgo - This month you can look forward to organizing your desk or alphabetizing your record collection or color coordinating the snack cupboard. The world is your oyster. Have fun?
Libra - “Maybe I’ll do something today...or I don’t know, maybe I’ll stay in. No, I’m definitely gonna get some shit done today! Fuck it, I’ll be on the couch.”
Scorpio - Still brooding over that thing someone said to you once like 5 years back? Good, good. Mull it over. Use your energy during this time for really important things like sulking, vengeance and resentment.
Sagittarius - Oof, all that honesty is really getting your family down. Have you tried speaking with a little sprinkle of tact? It’s hard, I should know, being a Star Bitch and all. Trust me, your family will thank you.
Capricorn - Don’t worry my headstrong friend. There are plenty of home projects to keep you too busy to have to actually interact with your family. You needn’t think about anyone but yourself. Carry on as usual.
Aquarius- How’s the home haircut going? I’m loving your step-by-step tutorials on how to make fresh baked goodies...that grilled pizza crust looked dope! Keep up the good work. Quarantine can’t get you down.
Pisces - May is a month for grounded earthiness. Too bad y’all are too wet to even notice. So convenient that you can’t breathe or walk on land...guess you’ll have to ignore all of the Earthly problems and swim away in your safe little bubble.